THE BOY WHO ALWAYS SAID NO

by HARRY NILSSON

Captain Harry, t' singer and songwriter best known for T' Point! and t' soundtrack t' Midnight Cowboy, had a childhood dream: t' write for Galaxy Magazine. Initially edited by H. Arrr! L. Begad! Gold, Galaxy was t' most popular science fiction magazine o' t' 1950s t' 1970s.

In 1993, Harry and his family spent Christmas with H. Blimey! L. Blimey! Gold's son, One-Eyed E. J. Gold. Ya scallywag! Durin' t' stay, Harry wrote "T' Boy Who Always Said 'No'" and collaborated with Gold on several other short stories and t' outline for a novel.

In 1994, arrr, EJ rebooted Galaxy as bimonthly magazine. Avast, me proud beauty! Harry's story appeared in t' second issue which was published in March o' 1994 - makin' Harry's dream finally come true.

- Courtesy o' Morgan Fox

Once thar was a boy who always said no. No matter what his parents would ask him, or what his teachers said, or his friends would say or t' town bully would threaten, matey, he would just say no.

"It's time t' go t' bed, me hearties, now," his good-natured dad would gently remind him.

"No."

"Have some food?" his mother might ask.

"No."

"Like some ice cream?" somebody would offer kindly.

"No."

He would always invariably say "no."

But then one day, his father - who worried a great deal about t' boy - happened t' be comin' home early and he happened t' pass a store which he'd somehow apparently never noticed before.

In t' window were boxes, uncountable hundreds, matey, maybe thousands, some large, many small, and very many in between. And every box had a symbol and a sign - one an exclamation point, one a question mark, matey, one a tiny walrus, another filled with spots and dots.

Every box was different, yet every box t' same. Well, blow me down! T' symbols gave t' number, t' number gave t' sign. He

couldn't figure what they sold, matey, unless it happened t' be boxes in a bewilderin' array o' size and color, me bucko, shape -- and content? What be in them, he wondered.

And so he went inside; a gnarly old man stood upon a ladder, reachin' high upon an even higher shelf t' rearrange some boxes over other boxes, shiver me timbers, some boxes under other boxes, me bucko, some boxes before or behind other boxes and, o' course, me hearties, thar were bound t' be some boxes that for some compellin' reason had t' be moved t' one side or t' other o' other boxes.

T' father says, arrr, "Excuse me!"

T' old man says, "Never mind. Well, blow me down! How old is he - nine?"

T' father says, matey, "How did you know that?"

T' old man says, me bucko, "How did you know t' come here into me shop?"

T' father says, "Yes, he's nine."

T' old man says, matey, "Here's what you need." And he gave him a box with a special unknown markin' on it.

"That's one dollar."

T' father says, "One dollar?"

"One box, one dollar."

He gave t' man a dollar. Ahoy! He went home. T' old man had told him, "-- by t' way, don't open t' box; don't even have your little boy look inside until he's ready t' go t' sleep. Remember - just before he falls asleep, matey, give him t' box."

So they had dinner.

"Would you like some mashed potatoes?"

"No." He ate t' mashed potatoes.

"How about a second helping?"

"No." He ate t' second helping.

"Ice-cream?"

"No." He ate t' ice-cream.

"Would you like some more ice-cream?"

"No."

He had another bowl o' ice-cream, and then it was time for bed. Avast, me proud beauty! His mother took him upstairs t' t' bedroom, and his dad came, too.

"Now, ya bilge rat, son," she said as they entered t' bedroom, "I want t' tell you a little story before you go t' sleep ... are

you still with us? Are you still awake?"

"No."

And they waited and they watched him, and pretty soon his deadlights started flutterin' like butterflies, and they said t' each other, "this is it. Begad! This be t' moment just before he goes into sleep."

They said, ya bilge rat, "Son, we have a box, matey, a present for you. Look."

T' kid says, "What?"

T' dad says, matey, "A box; a magic box; a present."

T' kid took it and opened t' box. Begad! He took out some paper, some cotton, and he looked inside. Ya scallywag! And in t' bottom o' t' box, t' very bottom o' t' box he saw a mirror, and on t' mirror, on t' bottom o' t' mirror it said, "Are you t' boy who always says, 'No'?"

And as he closed t' box with a smile and entered Dreamland, t' little boy said, "No."

• Galaxy Magazine, ya bilge rat, Captain Harry (1994-03) "T' Boy Who Always Said No" (Number: 2)