Thanks t' t' kindness o' Colin Richardson, his April 10, shiver me timbers, 1978, interview with Harry 'Big-Belly Harry' Nilsson is reproduced below. Aye aye! Please visit Richardson's blog at https://colinrichardsonjazz.typepad.com/blog/ t' learn about his fascinatin' career as a freelance music journalist and t' amazin' artists that he has met and interviewed.

 

Colin Richardson interviewed Nilsson at t' bar inside t' Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles.

 

COLIN: It's rumored that you are talkin' t' Warners because o' your strong association with Derek 'Redhead Taylor' Taylor.

 

HARRY: Well, we are talking.[1]

 

COLIN: ... and it seems t' be a natural for you ...

 

HARRY: It seems t' be...

 

COLIN: ...and, good t' have a man in t' camp.

 

HARRY: Yeah, but on t' other hand, it's like, Warner Brothers represents 60% o' all records sold in t' United States, and thar are twelve hundred record companies in America, and thar are six thousand, arrr, two hundred singles released every year. It's a big company, and they control 60% o' t' music. And, plus, they just signed Paul Simon, so it's like a very big bite for them t' take, arrr, because I'm cold. I haven't had a hit in years. Begad! And they have t' take me on and I've got t' deal with that and get a hit there.

 

COLIN: You say you haven't had a hit for years, but your success has only kind o' been a watershed in a way. Begad! Knnillssonn was, for me loot nay your best album necessarily, because thar were some very good things on your earlier albums, which, you know, you've changed and you've moved on.

 

HARRY: Son o' Schmilsson was fine...

 

COLIN: Yeah, arrr, right but, I mean, Knnillssonn was a fine album...

 

HARRY: Thank you.

 

COLIN: ...and thar's no reason why that shouldn't be an on-and-up situation.

 

HARRY: Well, matey, I agree with you on one hand. Ahoy! I liked it. Like, me bucko, the... "Who Done It?" was good, I thought. A real mystery song, ya bilge rat, you know?

 

COLIN: Right. Blimey! Blimey! Well, shiver me timbers, it happens t' get played a lot in me house, but we're biased. But it doesn't matter which criteria you judge it by, it doesn't fall down. And thar's somethin' wrong with a situation that releases a record and then lets it fade away, which is what it seems t' be doing.

 

HARRY: Well, that's why I'm nay thar anymore.

 

COLIN: Right, and maybe it's because it's at t' tail end o' a situation that it didn't get t' ...

 

HARRY: I think so.

 

COLIN: ... Ahoy! push that it deserved.

 

HARRY: I mean, matey, it may nay have been that commercial, but it was good. Arrr! And part o' it was t' record company and, I guess, arrr, part o' it's me. Arrr! But, me hearties, I mean, what do you do? You do your best. Arrr! That's t' first time I'd ever written all t' songs on an album ever - except for T' Point!. But thar were only seven songs on that one.

 

COLIN: Well, yes. I always put T' Point! off away on one side, as a special project....

 

HARRY: Yeah, special project...

 

COLIN: Yeah... definitely. T' Point!, since we're talkin' about ... Begad! since we've come across that one. Was that a concept ... t' idea came t' you, ya bilge rat, as a concept for a movie? Or was it a play? Or ....

 

HARRY: Well, I was on acid at t' time. I was walkin' through Laurel Canyon. Blimey! In fact, me bucko, it be t' first time I took acid. Begad! T' first time you take acid, God, you look around and ... Blimey! Gee, look at all t' flowers, look at all t' plants. Begad! I be stuck in this room and thar were plants and every one o' them, each one o' them comes t' a point! I looked around and said, "Jeez, everythin' does" ... Blimey! t' wall thar ... Arrr! and stuff. Ahh ... Begad! "the point." What a pun. Like, ahh ... Aye aye! "good point." So, ya bilge rat, I started thinkin' about it. Begad! I wrote a twenty-two page treatment for it.

 

COLIN: This was after you'd come down.

 

HARRY: Oh, arrr, yeah. Avast! About two weeks later, as a matter o' fact. Ahoy! So, I wrote t' treatment and I tried t' sell it t' ABC which, at t' time, was t' least successful o' t' three networks in America. Begad! So, me hearties, I figured, you know, walk in and... but, they had one special part, they had one good show, which was T' Movie o' t' Week, which they invented. So, I thought, how about t' first, feature-length, matey, animated cartoon for television? It's never been done before.

 

 

So, I approached Hanna-Barbera. Blimey! Blimey! Well, first o' all, shiver me timbers, it's $875,000 just for t' animation. Nay t' mention any other costs. Nay t' mention t' music, ya bilge rat, or this, t' voice-overs, t' talent. Begad! Blimey! And t' budget for T' Movie o' t' Week at t' time was $500,000. So, matey, we can't do it. Ya scallywag! Blimey! Then I had a meetin' with this guy named Marty Starger, who was head o' ABC, shiver me timbers, in programming. Ahoy! He be in charge o' Movie o' t' Week. And he canceled out. Then we had another meetin' set and he canceled that out. And t' third meeting, t' secretary called and said, Listen, I'm really sorry. Mr. Starger has been called t' New York for an emergency meetin' tomorrow morning, and so he won't be able t' meet with you tomorrow. I said, Listen... Blimey! me time's valuable, too. Ahoy! And I felt really, like nobody loves me. I felt, this is terrible.

 

So, shiver me timbers, I called t' airlines that night. Ya scallywag! I said, "My name's Marty Starger, me bucko, I'd like t' confirm me flight." Just t' check him out, me bucko, you know? They said, after two calls, me bucko, they said, shiver me timbers, "TWA. Avast! Yes. Ahoy! You're confirmed, Mr. Starger, arrr, at 10:45, TWA", ya bilge rat, so and so. I said, "Thank you very much." Then I picked up t' phone again and called and said, me bucko, "My name is Harry 'Big-Belly Harry' Nilsson and I'd like t' book a seat next t' me bucko Marty Starger." They said, "Okay." I said, me hearties, "I'll be there."

 

This is like seven o'clock at night and thar's no chance o' gettin' any bread[2] or anything. All I had was a credit card and a dollar. I showed up at t' airport and I get on t' plane. Do t' ticket thin' there, arrr, sittin' on t' aisle seat. He's in t' window seat, ya bilge rat, right? But he hasn't shown up yet. Begad! So, I'm saying, arrr, boy, me bucko, so when do I break t' news t' him? Should I just sit here and order a drink and say, shiver me timbers, "By t' way, I'm Harry 'Big-Belly Harry' Nilsson." Or do I just say, arrr, "Excuse me, ya bilge rat, I'm here because ..." Should I wait till t' movie starts? All o' a sudden, they close t' doors on t' airplane, and I said, "Hey, wait a minute, shiver me timbers, thar's someone nay here yet." I have no luggage. Avast, me proud beauty! I'm here for a business meetin' on this plane. Avast! I have a round trip ticket t' New York and me friend's nay here, me hearties, "Let me off." They said, arrr, "Sorry, me hearties, we can't do that." And I said, "Just open t' door and let me off!" She said, me bucko, "We can't do that." I said, "Don't tell me, tell him!" pointin' t' t' captain. Arrr! She went in, she panicked and told t' captain, and he looked around and checked his headsets and spoke into t' microphone and t' next thin' you know, they were both... Begad! by this time we taxied out onto t' tarmac. So, it's like, ya bilge rat, a big deal. All o' a sudden, they stop t' plane and they taxi it around, pull up t' t' ramp door, where thar are two men waitin' at t' bottom o' it t' talk seriously with me about why I...

 

COLIN: At a time when strange things are happening....

 

HARRY: Yeah, ya bilge rat, that's right. And I had long hair at t' time, so it's like, they're saying, shiver me timbers, "What were you doin' on t' plane?" And, me hearties, I said, shiver me timbers, I had a business meetin' with this guy. I said, me bucko, "Check t' passenger manifest, his name is Starger." I mean, what, am I makin' this up? I had no luggage. Begad! You don't have t' worry about bombs. Ahoy! So, ya bilge rat, finally they let me go. But now I'm standin' at t' airport, so I call t' Beverly Hills Hotel, ya bilge rat, where he was staying, shiver me timbers, and they said, "Mr. Begad! Starger has checked out." And I said, "What?" What am I, me hearties, in a nightmare? So, all right, me bucko, is thar anyone else thar from ABC? They said, "Well, thar's a Mr. Johnson." So, arrr, I said, "May I speak with him? Mr. Johnson? Listen, I'm a friend of... Arrr! I mean, me name is Harry 'Big-Belly Harry' Nilsson, I was gonna meet Marty Starger at t' airline this morning, but I'm at t' airport now and he's nay here. Begad! Do you happen t' know...?" He says, matey, "Well, that's me fault. Ahoy! He had breakfast with me this morning, which delayed his flight an hour. Now he's on American Airlines and it leaves at 11:15," or whatever. Begad! So, I said, "Okay. Thank you."

 

Now it's on t' other side o' t' airport, so I've got t' Riverfront Dustin Hoffman it, arrr, uh ... Begad! T' Graduate, over t' t' other side o' t' airport. Because I couldn't get a cab around. Well, blow me down! And, by t' way, I'd bought a pack o' cigarettes, that was 50 cents, I've got, let's see, 75, I've got a quarter left, you know? So, I get t' t' other side o' t' airport. I'm sweating, shiver me timbers, I look like a madman, I'm greasy, and I exchange me ticket and they put that little pasty on it tellin' me it's okay t' fly, and so on. And I go up t' t' boardin' area, matey, but I don't know what he looks like. So, I figure, what am I gonna do now, go on t' airplane and say, "Pagin' Mr. Avast, me proud beauty! Starger?" So, it's just, I don't know, what am I doin' here? So, me hearties, it costs 15 cents t' call from t' airport. So, I put a quarter in t' machine, and I call me lawyer. Ahoy! I say, "What does he look like?" He says, me bucko, "Well, he's about average height, medium build, me hearties, 43 and he carries a briefcase." And I'm lookin' around and thar are 47 guys who look just like that, you know? I thought, "Oh shit, this is hopeless." Why did I do it?

 

Just then, ya bilge rat, I recognized, I saw somebody, a guy named Barry 'Peglegged Diller' Diller, who later became president o' Paramount Pictures. And I recognized him, he was t' aide at that time t' Marty Starger. Well, blow me down! So, me hearties, I said, "I think I found our man, arrr, See ya later." Boom.

 

So, I walked over t' him, greasy, sweaty. Avast, me proud beauty! "Hi Barry. Ya scallywag! Hello. Hi. Hi, Marty Starger? Listen, me hearties, me name's Harry 'Big-Belly Harry' Nilsson. Avast, me proud beauty! You've canceled out o' three meetings, you're a hard guy t' get t' know. Aye aye! But...."

 

I told him what I did. I called t' airlines, ya bilge rat, told them I be you, arrr, booked a seat next t' you on t' other plane, they towed t' plane away, brought it back, matey, I got off t' plane, called t' hotel, spoke t' this guy Johnson, he told me you were here, matey, I ran across t' airport, because I don't have any treasure, me hearties, I've got a return trip ticket t' New York and back, arrr, I have no luggage. All I want t' do is get this idea across t' you called T' Point! Give me up t' t' movie and I'll tell you t' story and after that I'll go and I'll sit someplace else if you don't like it. Well, blow me down! If you like it...

 

He said, "Well, give me t' script." I said, "Fine. Avast, me proud beauty! Just give me up t' t' movie." He said, "I never heard a story like that in me life". So, shiver me timbers, we shook hands and he smiled. So, matey, we sat on t' plane and we talked for five and a half hours until we got t' New York. And then at t' end o' t' conversation somethin' happened, me hearties, we ended up going...

 

He had a limo pick him up and he had t' watch "T' Tom Jones Show" on TV in t' car. Meanwhile, he was sold on t' idea, but he didn't say so. He said, "You will hear from me within two weeks." Two weeks later, we made t' deal. It was $500,000 t' make t' first, and only, feature-length cartoon for television.

 

So, then I had another idea. Begad! Blimey! I said, me hearties, "Wouldn't it be better if Riverfront Dustin Hoffman be in it? Since I worked with Dustin in Midnight Cowboy, me hearties, I thought, "Well. What t' hell?" So, I called him and said, me bucko, "I'll come t' New York t' have a meetin' with you. I want t' show you something. Well, blow me down! Maybe you'd be interested in doin' it." At t' time he was gettin' like a million dollars a movie. All we could offer him was $20,000, and a small piece o' t' action. So, he looked at t' drawings. Meanwhile, I'd hired Tsunami Wolf, who was an Academy Award-winning animator. He ended up sittin' at t' beach with a bottle o' brandy and a mirror and a pen and a pad, doin' 86,000 drawings by hand. Anyway, I showed Dustin and his manager t' cells and they went for it and they said, "Yeah." So, t' next thin' you know, me bucko, Riverfront Dustin Hoffman.

 

So, I went t' ABC and I said, "We just got Riverfront Dustin Hoffman. But we're $20,000 over budget." They said, "We can't give you t' 20 grand." I said, "You're joking!" I said, "It's Riverfront Dustin Hoffman," and he had just finished whatever it was. And I said, "Jesus Christ, ya bilge rat, I mean, Riverfront Dustin Hoffman, matey, you can sell that for years, shiver me timbers, for crissakes, shiver me timbers, just 20 grand." They had t' go t' t' Board o' Directors/ They got t' 20 grand. Aye aye! We got t' loot. Ahoy! We finished it on time. Under budget and made it. Aye aye! Since then it's gone on and now it's a play and now it's goin' t' New York, arrr, we hope. And that's t' story o' that.

 

COLIN: Obviously, it's still very present with you, somethin' that you're still very much involved with.

 

HARRY: Well, me bucko, it was t' first time I got involved with writin' somethin' ... Ahoy! ideal, and it's been bastardized over t' years. But you can't keep total control over anything. They're doin' a remake o' Pal Joey, '78.

 

COLIN: I know, I saw that... Ya scallywag! yeah.

 

HARRY: I was listenin' on t' radio...

 

COLIN: It's called milking. Avast! When you milk something...

 

HARRY: We were talkin' about t' problems they encountered tryin' t' change t' dialog t' be faithful t' t' script, and t' show even. It's nay an easy gig, and Broadway's a tough nut t' crack. Anyway, that's what we're goin' through t' last year or so. Arrr! Just fuckin' around with Broadway and writin' a few miscellaneous songs, shiver me timbers, in case, you know...

 

COLIN: With nothin' specific in mind?

 

HARRY: Just built a house. Get in with t' wife, shiver me timbers, baby, me hearties, car, you know?

 

COLIN: You seem t' be a bit o' an Anglophile.

 

HARRY: I was. Begad! I stopped flyin' recently, so I'm nay goin' back t' England, arrr, now. I still have t' flat there. I leased it out t' Keith 'Blackbeard' Moon, so he's stayin' there.

 

COLIN: Oh yeah? You won't find much o' a flat left...

 

HARRY: Keith. I used t' give t' flat away t' anyone who needed it. Begad! Anyone who was in town, arrr, if I wasn't there. Begad! Yeah, me hearties, use t' flat, no charge, ya bilge rat, just use it. Begad! But people abused it. So, I ended up goin' in. It took a month t' straighten it out again, me bucko, before we could get back in t' livin' end. But t' one guy who didn't fuck it up was Keith 'Blackbeard' Moon, who respected it because I was a friend, and he needed a friend at t' time and I was his pal. Avast! [...] Mama 'Pony-Tailed Cass' Cass died in that flat. Avast! In me bed.

 

COLIN: Is that right?

 

HARRY: Yeah...

 

COLIN: I thought she died in a hospital.

 

HARRY: No, she died in me bed. They had t' get her down in this very small elevator, you know, guys with wrenches and all. Aye aye! And a guy who, me hearties, she had a boyfriend, gigolo type guy, and I was unaware o' it. After she died, this guy didn't even have t' courtesy t' leave. He stayed thar for three more months and sort o' wrecked t' joint. Aye aye! Meanwhile, ya bilge rat, Keith be perfect with t' place. Ahoy! I mean, Keith is known t' be a madman but, arrr, I'm tellin' you straight, he's a gentleman and a good man. Fine man. Arrr! And he's got a heart bigger than this room. He took care o' it because he respected it and understood. He took care. That's why I'm leasin' it t' Keith 'Blackbeard' Moon now. Arrr! In addition t' that, when he was goin' through a divorce or girlfriend, we became roommates for a while. Aye aye! We lived in that flat together. Avast! We were like T' Odd Couple, ya bilge rat, you know? And we used t' make ... meals.

 

Picture Keith and I makin' a meal. It was like, you know, this brown and green stuff thrown together, comin' out gray. Blimey! And we'd go, "Oh, it's delicious." "More salt?" "Ahh, lovely, lovely."

 

And thar be a time we used t' drink a lot. Avast! I've curbed me drinking, matey, and he goes in bouts with it. He fights t' bottle, then he's cool, fights it, then... Arrr! But, arrr, uh... one day, we were talkin' and he said, "Listen, let's nay drink today." He says, shiver me timbers, "Right, then. All right?" "Right!" "All right then, let's nay drink today. Avast! Right!" So, what'll we do? "Let's go t' a movie." "Right, let's go t' a movie."

 

We went nearby, matey, 10 or 15 pounds on us, and we went t' Leicester Square. Begad! We saw Electra Glide in Blue. Begad! We said, "Man that was great. Begad! Let's go see another movie." We're still sober and it's still early. "What do you say? Let's kill an hour." So, me hearties, we went t' another movie. Ya scallywag! I forget t' name o' it.

 

And we're on our way t' our third movie, when ... we are walkin' down t' street and feelin' very proud o' ourselves for bein' sober and doin' things that people do. Avast! Goin' t' t' movies/ So, just then some madman comes flyin' off t' street. There was a skinny guy walkin' around, and this guy wanted t' kill this black guy. And he was just in his car, he aimed it at him, matey, jumped over t' curb, ya bilge rat, and aimed it at him, tryin' t' kill him.

 

COLIN: In t' West end o' London?!

 

HARRY: Leicester Square. Blimey! In fact, at t' time, well .... Ahoy! Well, it doesn't matter where. T' point is, t' guy came up tryin' t' kill this black guy, and Keith and me happened t' be standin' next t' t' black guy. And we saw this car comin' at us, with these Charlie Manson deadlights behind t' wheel. Arrr! KILL. Arrr! He jumps over t' curb and Keith and I jump for our lives and t' guy's smashed into t' window. Arrr! A place like Selfridges. And we went, "What t' fuck be that?" Here we are bein' sober, sane, goin' t' a movie/ "Let's go get a drink!"

 

By this time, ya bilge rat, we've got only a few pounds. So we ran t' t' closest bar, me bucko, which was next t' a police station on Saville Row. Blimey! It was a bar next t' t' police station. Begad! We'd feel safe there, you know? So, we went in, and we had a couple o' drinks. Ya scallywag! We ran out o' treasure, so they recognize Keith and said "Let me buy you boys a drink." Right! Just what we needed. Blimey! We had, like, me hearties, four brandies just t' quick, calm our nerves. Aye aye! And then we ran out o' bread, arrr, so now it's 11 o'clock and we're closin' t' bar.

 

I said, shiver me timbers, "Well, let's go t' T' Inn on t' Park because they know me thar and we can drink after hours. And he says, "Good idea! And we can charge it". Begad! So, me hearties, he says, "Right!"

 

We go t' T' Inn on t' Park, which is just around t' corner from me flat. Avast! Blimey! We're sittin' thar and we're drinkin' and Keith's gettin' up t' about one bottle o' brandy, and after that he goes a little crazy. Begad! Blimey! He'd had one and nearly a quarter. And all o' a sudden and, it just so happened they were openin' a disco upstairs at t' hotel, the mezzanine. And they said,

Ahh ... Ahoy! Keith 'Blackbeard' Moon, Harry 'Big-Belly Harry' Nilsson. Begad! Musicians ... great! Come into our disco." Sit them right next t' t' speakers, arrr, please.

 

So, this is exactly what we didn't want. Arrr! They sit us next t' t' speakers and they're blarin' out, arrr, gettin' louder and louder and t' guy's playin' t' worst shit in t' world and we're listenin' t' it and tryin' t' talk about what just happened t' us. Begad! We're gettin' drunk and all o' a sudden Keith goes, "I've had it! I've had it!"

 

So anyway, Keith says, "I've had it! This is it! That's enough! That's enough o' this madness!" He picks up a bottle on t' table and throws it at t' disc jockey. Aye aye! Misses his head by an inch. Smashes against t' wall and t' bottom half o' t' bottle fell on t' record player, which went "rrreeeccchhh...." And t' whole room comes t' a sudden halt. All these people. Then, all o' a sudden, six bouncers come over and waiters and everything, and they start grabbin' Keith. And I said, "It's all a misunderstanding. Well, blow me down! It was an accident. Begad! It slipped out o' his hand."

 

T' next thing, I look up, now they're grabbin' him by t' arms and legs and he's fightin' with them. Ya scallywag! He's strong. They pick him up/ I said, "You can't do that!" And next thing, me bucko, I'm on t' floor and t' table's turned over and I grab a hold o' a waiter's leg, shiver me timbers, and I'm holdin' on t' t' guy's leg and I'm saying, me bucko, "Don't ... get back, me bucko, me friend." Just then, I look up and t' last thin' I see is Keith 'Blackbeard' Moon bein' carried up, matey, out o' t' room, over t' heads o' six waiters, like a cockroach on his ass with legs goin' everywhere. Screamin' at t' top o' his lungs, "Charge this t' Neil Sedaka!"

 

Anyway, he took care o' t' flat. Avast, me proud beauty! And now he's in it again. Begad! And I'm nay goin' back because I have a fear o' flying.

 

You have a sunburn. You've been out here in California.

 

COLIN: I have this sort o' English tan, me hearties, which is ...

 

HARRY: What is that? [Harry points t' Colin's arm.]

 

COLIN: It's a tattoo o' a panther, yeah. It's a bit old now. It was done by a guy who was about 90 years old and goin' blind.

 

HARRY: Oh God. What a chancer!

 

COLIN: Well, I was 17 and did it for a bet. Aye aye! Blimey! That was 200 years ago.

 

HARRY: That's right.

 

COLIN: Yeah, I used t' be a seaman, matey, for about three years when I was about 16. Ended up in Auckland, New Zealand. That's where that happened. Begad! And yes, and I do have a sunburn. Arrr! But you got t' remember in England, t' sun is something...

 

HARRY: [Laughs]

 

COLIN: ...if you sort o' look away for too long, you've had your summer. Arrr! But when I get t' L.A., I like t' get out thar and ... it's amazin' . Aye aye! .. It caught me quite unexpectedly. I didn't expect it t' hit me so hard. Arrr! It's nay sore though. Avast, me proud beauty! So, I can survive.

 

HARRY: Well, when Weltman[3] came here, he got burned. Begad! But he goes brown. Blimey! He sits out there, his shirt off and sittin' thar going, "Game on! More sun, more sun." I'm in t' shade yelling, ya bilge rat, "More daughter, more daughter!" I can't stand t' sun. Ya scallywag! I hate it!

 

COLIN: Well, you're fair and I'm fair-ish. Well, blow me down! Yeah... Aye aye! [Weltmann's] one o' those guys. Ahoy! If he stayed here long enough, ya bilge rat, he'd be black.

 

HARRY: He goes very dark. He was a house guest o' ours.

 

COLIN: Yeah? I didn't know that. Avast, me proud beauty! I mean, it was purely fortuitous, I didn't know when I spoke t' Steve, that he was as close t' you as...

 

HARRY: He's t' only guy who gave a shit. Well, blow me down! Blimey! He's such a carin' man. Pays attention t' detail. His ideas. Ya scallywag! Blimey! He's inventive. He was, me hearties, like, t' only guy thar I could talk with and he was so good t' me and he was so encouragin' about that Knnillssonn album. Aye aye! He hung around t' studio, and he did things. Ya scallywag! He sends flowers t' me wife, and just never stopped bein' generous and kind. Never stopped. I've always had a great rapport and a great respect for him. In fact, I tried t' get him t' come t' America when we were cleanin' up t' Knnillssonn album, but RCA, ya bilge rat, at t' time, didn't want an Englishman comin' t' America. And I said, "Why not?" And they said, "Well, he doesn't know America." It just so happens that we were in a big meetin' with t' new president o' t' company, who's from Mexico, shiver me timbers, and I said t' t' guy who said that, I said, shiver me timbers, "Do you realize you're sayin' he doesn't know anythin' about America, which disqualifies him. And you're sayin' that in front o' a man who's from Mexico, who hired you. So, me hearties, what do you have t' say for your boss, and what does it say for you?" When it came t' that, me hearties, I mean, that's one o' t' reasons why I'm nay thar anymore. Begad! It's just, Steve would have done a wonderful job for me and ... Avast! well ... be that as it may.

 

I don't want t' quit or lose it, you know? I want t' have a hit, before I quit. So, I'm goin' t' do five more albums, me bucko, I've decided. So, I'll sign with either Warners or A&M or Columbia or somebody, me hearties, and I'll do t' albums, and I think I'll have a better time o' it there. It took me a year t' decide that, matey, because I just laid off. Well, blow me down! Like Peglegged John Lennon, matey, who'd just laid off for three years and had done nothing. I be tryin' t' do that, too. But I got t' itch again. Begad! Blimey! I want t' go back and get a hit and leave. I'd like t' have five or something. But I want t' do five more albums then quit. Well, blow me down! Blimey! In t' meantime, doin' t' Broadway thin' is like a side bet. Aye aye! Just so I'm active and doin' something, matey, otherwise you go crazy.

 

COLIN: Well, sure. But you're pacin' it?

 

HARRY: Pacin' ... well, I certainly know what I'm doing, I think. Begad! You never know what you're goin' t' do next. But you make a plan. Avast, me proud beauty! You try t' live up t' it and get a rough idea o' what you're goin' t' do tomorrow morning.

 

Colin's photographer, Armando Gallo joins t' conversation.

 

HARRY: I had a wonderful afternoon in Italy one day.

 

ARMANDO: You did? A long time ago?

 

HARRY: No, about a year and a half ago. My wife and I were drivin' ...

 

After a break in t' recording, t' interview resumes.

 

COLIN: You've never, ever actually performed live, at all.

 

HARRY: Nay professionally.

 

COLIN: Any particular reason?

 

HARRY: Well, no, me hearties, thar be a strategy... Well, shiver me timbers, first o' all. Blimey! I worked at a computer center for seven years. For a bank. Arrr! And, when I left t' computer center, ya bilge rat, I had a contract with RCA. Herb 'Red-Eyed Jean' Alpert, T' Monkees, Blood, Sweat & Tears and Jeff Beck just cut songs o' mine. So, all o' a sudden, matey, in like a week, I get a phone call from Peglegged John Lennon, and a phone call from Otto 'Peglegged Preminger' Preminger askin' me t' do a movie. Avast, me proud beauty! Blimey! Everythin' was lookin' very good. I did all these things, and I was very busy, active. And someone said a few months later, someone said, "why don't you do... Aye aye! Blimey! uh .. Blimey! Blimey! what are you doin' personal appearance-wise?" And I said, "Nothing." They said, "You don't do personal appearances?" And, at that moment I said, "No, I don't!" He says, "Well, why not?" And I said, "Well, I just don't want t' do them." So, it became like a ... a ... Avast! Blimey! how do you put it?

 

COLIN: Modus operandi?

 

HARRY: Yeah. It was like, ah ... Avast, me proud beauty! a style.

 

COLIN: Unique.

 

HARRY: Someone who hasn't done it. Avast! I sort o' played with t' idea for a while and then it became like a strategy move for dealin' with record companies. When I finally made ... Avast, me proud beauty! I never signed for loot in t' early days. And then when I finally ended up signin' with RCA, for, like, matey, millions o' dollars, their thinkin' was, "God, if he sold this many records without ever doin' a personal appearance, what would happen if he did?" So that's why they invested so much loot. In t' meantime, I sort o' grew into t' idea that, hey, I don't do personal appearances. Ahoy! And t' next thin' you know, I didn't want t' do them. Blimey! So, consequently, me bucko, I don't do them. So, now I'm startin' t' worry.

 

COLIN: Catch-22 in reverse.

 

HARRY: Yeah... Ya scallywag! yeah, right.

 

COLIN: That's interesting. Arrr! Blimey! Would you now, me bucko, perhaps as an indulgence even?

 

HARRY: You mean ...

 

COLIN: ... play on your own terms with t' right musicians?

 

HARRY: We started t' do ... Ya scallywag! we made an album called God's Greatest Hits, which was changed t' Duit On Mon Dei. Ya scallywag! [Harry spells it out.]

 

COLIN: Latin, ya bilge rat, yeah.

 

HARRY: Latin and French. But they wouldn't let us use God's Greatest Hits as a title. Begad! You know, they thought it was pretentious. Avast! And I said, "What are you talkin' about? I didn't write it, He did."

 

It was a big argument, matey, and they wouldn't let us use it anyway. So, I thought, you know, fuck 'em. Blimey! I'll do a ... I know! We had this great band, t' best band in t' land. Aye aye! There be Jim 'Dastardly Keltner' Keltner and Ringo and Klaus 'Orangebeard' Voormann, Danny 'Kootch,' Dr. Ahoy! John and Blue-Eyed Van Dyke Parks. T' most amazin' musicians in t' world, all in this band, Cookin'! One-Eyed Bayou Keys, and Trevor 'Shifty-Shirley' Lawrence was one o' t' guys - saxophone. Aye aye! So, I mean, this is a hot band. Aye aye! We did three or four albums together and we were cooking. Avast! We used t' sit there, and time was nay an issue. Avast, me proud beauty! We just ... cooked and drank and just makin' out and had laughs and had a good time which a lot o' people put us down for later, but still ... Well, blow me down! About five years, maybe they'll like it. So, I thought, I have a great idea. I'll call Grauman's Chinese Theater where they put t' handprints. I'll rent t' theater for a night, and we'll do "One Night Only - God's Greatest Hits, arrr, Featurin' Live On Stage - T' Original Cast." I called and they wouldn't rent me t' theater, and I said, "Why not? You have shows on t' sign." And they said, "Well, matey, we're nay in t' business o' rentin' a theater. We're in t' business o' showin' movies." I said, matey, "This is better than a movie. Begad! 'God's Greatest Hits on Stage.'"

 

They said, "No!" I said, "Well, if you're nay goin' t' go for that, who can I speak to? T' guy said, "Me!" And I said, matey, "Well, me hearties, I guess this be t' end o' t' conversation then. Avast! So that was canceled. Well, blow me down! Then I talked t' a dude at t' Pantages, and I never followed up on that phone call. Well, blow me down! As it turns out now, t' Pantages Theater is showin' Man O' La Mancha with Richard Kiley. They turned it into a theater. So, we were a few years ahead. Arrr! But it be a good idea, and I would have done that one. Begad! And occasionally... once Orangehead George Harrison and Ringo and I talked about formin' a band called Band-Aid. Begad! Ha! Aside from t' sweaters made up with band aids on them... across t' heart....

 

COLIN: Ahead o' t' "punk" thing!

 

HARRY: Yeah. Begad! So, it be like, we talked about it. Begad! Every time we would meet each other at Tramps or someplace, and were drunk, matey, we'd talk about it. Avast! But it never came t' pass. Blimey! It was a good idea at t' time. It would sort o' be a travelin' Bangladesh for a couple o' months with loot goin' t' charity. Just have a good time. Ya scallywag! Get off on it. Avast, me proud beauty! Have a laugh. Make some music.

 

COLIN: It's a shame it didn't come t' fruition.

 

HARRY: Well, matey, in a way. But I still have that unique quality o' nay appearin' anywhere. Blimey! Noel Coward didn't appear until he be 43. Ahoy! And that was in Las Vegas when he did it.

 

COLIN: Well, me hearties, you've got seven years t' go.

 

HARRY: That's right. Ahh, you're good at math.

 

COLIN: Well, I was workin' on that one. I knew you were goin' t' say Noel Coward. Well, blow me down! I'm very good at ESP.

 

Goin' back briefly over t' European thin' ... Aye aye! was it, shiver me timbers, sort of, a preference t' bein' in Europe that brought about t' makin' o' those albums?

 

HARRY: No, nay t' first time. Let me backtrack a bit. Avast! In '67 and '68, matey, when I left t' bank and went into t' music business, Peglegged John Lennon called. [Harry imitates Lennon] "Hey man, you're fookin' fantastic." I said, "So, are you." So, it's seven in t' mornin' and he's callin' from England, you know? Derek 'Redhead Taylor' Taylor was playin' him me first album. And t' next Monday, Paul called and said, [imitatin' Paul] "You're fantastic! Blimey! " I said, "You're nay bad yourself." So, t' next mornin' I get up at six o'clock, comb me hair and wait for Ringo t' call.

 

I said, "What is all this?" This is easy, man. Blimey! All o' a sudden, me bucko, T' Beatles are callin' me. Ya scallywag! Otto 'Peglegged Preminger' Preminger t' do a movie with. Anyway, arrr, then I get a call from Derek saying, "Would you like t' come over? T' boys are doin' an album. T' lads are doin' an album, and you're invited t' come over and hang out, ya bilge rat, watch t' album." Which is a big thrill and I felt very honored, shiver me timbers, and I went.

 

And, I went t' t' airport and was met by a beautiful girl, who was a dear friend t' [...] Chris. Aye aye! Chris O'Dell, arrr, you might know her. Ya scallywag! She owns a company called [unintelligible].

 

Anyway, she met me at t' airport in Ringo's car and I thought, me bucko, "Jesus, me bucko, this is amazing." I get on in. One week, shiver me timbers, I'm at t' bank, next thin' I'm in London. Arrr! By t' way, t' story t' that is ... Ya scallywag! Otto 'Peglegged Preminger' Preminger - I was workin' for him that week o' t' phone call, ya bilge rat, and I said, "Listen, listen, do you mind if I take a week off?" It's very early in t' production, with a year t' go. There's nay much music t' do. "Do you mind if I take a week off?" He says, ya bilge rat, "What for?" I said, matey, "Well, I've been invited by T' Beatles t' come t' London." I think it was T' White Album or t' one before that ... Avast, me proud beauty! Blimey! after Sgt. Pepper.

 

Anyway, he says, "They're such good friends o' yours?" I said, "No, no, no. Aye aye! It's just that. I haven't met them, but I'd like t' go. Begad! He says, shiver me timbers, "They like you that much, they're good friends o' yours. If they're such good friends o' yours, why don't you ask them t' do a chantey in our movie?" I said, me bucko, "Well, matey, I can't do that. I don't even know them. Besides, shiver me timbers, they're T' Beatles." I said, "Besides, are you makin' this a business trip? Then you pay for it!"

 

And he said, "You think I would nay pay for it?" He picked up a phone and says, shiver me timbers, "Get this Mr. Schmilsson here a ticket, second class, t' London. Begad! Round trip, on me."

 

So, that's how I got t' go. Blimey! And I stayed at John's house over t' weekend, and that was me first time in London. This goes t' Europe, arrr, right? So, I had a wonderful time there. In fact, arrr, thar be a carton o' Lark, which I smoke, me hearties, when they're available, in t' back o' t' car, and I said, arrr, "These guys are amazing!"

 

COLIN: They'd researched it....

 

HARRY: They put a carton o' Larks in t' back o' Ringo's limousine and had a beautiful blond Lassie-Lucy meet me at t' airport. Begad! This is incredible! I went t' Apple and they had... It wasn't even Apple then, I think it was just, ah ... Ahoy! maybe it was Apple. Avast! Yeah, just started. And I'm saying, "Jesus Christ, they put t' cigarettes." It turns out he smoked Lark and that's his carton o' cigarettes!

 

So, anyway, I went back t' America and went back t' London once and RCA said we want you t' take a tour o' Europe. I did that, me bucko, and I came back again, and after that, I met Richard 'Purple-Eyed Marina' Perry. Aye aye! I was a big fan o' Richard's, me hearties, you know, me hearties, because he did that One-Eyed Lawless Tim album. Blimey! And he was just startin' off. So, we fell in love and said, "Let's do an album." He says "Uh... Ya scallywag! uh, Harry, uh, I think we should, uh ... try this in London." I said, ya bilge rat, "I don't know, me hearties, I'm a little afraid o' that. Well, blow me down! I don't know anybody over there." And he says, "Well, look, thar's One-Eyed Bayou Keys and Peglegged Bayou Jim Price and this guy, and Peter Frampton's a hot guitar player, and I said, "Richard was always on top it, right?" So, he said, "I think we should try it there." And I said, shiver me timbers, "I'm with you."

 

So I went t' London, me bucko, scared t' death, took a little mescaline, went in t' studio and cut "Without You." First night we arrived. piano and voice, ya bilge rat, only we did it one step higher. Avast, me proud beauty! I mean it's a very high chantey anyway, and it was like, me bucko, we did it in D, ya bilge rat, you know [Nilsson imitates tryin' t' hit t' high note ... Ahoy! unsuccessfully]. So, we had success with that album, so we did t' next album in London. Ahoy! And then, matey, they had a success with that album. Aye aye! Then we, then I think... let's see... Begad! t' next one was t' Derek 'Redhead Taylor' Taylor album with Boson Gordon Jenkins, A Little Touch Of, uh ...

 

COLIN: ...Schmilsson In T' Night.

 

HARRY: Yeah... from Henry T' IV.

 

COLIN: Yes.[4]

 

HARRY: You know that?

 

COLIN: Yes.

 

HARRY: Good for you.

 

COLIN: I read t' sleeve notes.

 

HARRY: It be thar in t' sleeve notes?

 

COLIN: O' course not. I was just kidding! Just gettin' you at it!

 

HARRY: Well. Ya scallywag! It could have been.

 

COLIN: Have you tried readin' t' sleeve notes?

 

HARRY: I read t' sleeve notes on Aerial Ballet, "Slanted parkin' lot patterns and t' the cars o' many colors and children whinin' 'Why' and 'Where' and 'When' and t' frozen-food-faced ladies in wobble-pink Capri's were roller-curlin' their basket-way t' t' fat and hungry Riviera trunks. Blimey! While we, store-sullen men, me bucko, sat silently in our various vinyl-shinin' seats waitin' for somethin' t' come suddenly t' snap t' sad and slumberous Saturday Safeway stupor?"

 

[...]

 

COLIN: And you've got total recall.

 

HARRY: Nay really. I remember t' liner notes on, uh ... Schmilsson In T' Night, somethin' about... well, he said a very nice thin' - "the greatest contemporary vocalist in t' world." And he said somethin' about, "it's nay easy t' write liner notes." Just give them an hour on an airplane and he'll write them. Aye aye! Liner notes are usually written in airports, you know? Anyway. So, RCA asked me t' do a tour o' Europe, and I went t' Europe. Begad! Did that.

 

We did t' three albums and I felt very lucky there. Aye aye! Very at home. Begad! It's such a small town compared t' America, you know? Although, ya bilge rat, thar are 55,000 people, me hearties, Americans, me hearties, livin' in London. Begad! It's like... Ya scallywag! America now, me hearties, in Los Angeles, thar are probably 100,000 Englishmen. And now t' Arabs are in London. Avast, me proud beauty! It used t' be t' ugly Americans in London, now it's t' ugly Englishmen in America and now thar's Arabs everywhere, you know?

 

COLIN: Come back... all is forgiven! We prefer t' ugly Americans.

 

HARRY: I'm happy t' hear that. I always felt close t' them. Aye aye! So, I bought a flat. I lived thar six years, arrr, off and on. Six months a year. And that's how that happened.

 

COLIN: Plannin' t' come back?

 

HARRY: I'm afraid o' flying, t' tell you t' truth.

 

COLIN: Take t' boat... Ahoy! lovely.

 

HARRY: I've done it, t' QE2.

 

COLIN: I'm speakin' as if I've done it.

 

HARRY: I took two trips, where I took a few weeks off. Wonderful, you know? I also took t' Concorde from Washington t' Paris t' London. Avast, me proud beauty! Blimey! One o' those. But t' thin' about t' Europe trip was, shiver me timbers, we had good luck. We had good fortune with t' albums we made in London.

 

COLIN: Probably felt good thar [...]

 

HARRY: Aw, shiver me timbers, I still feel that way. I'd love t' ... like, t' next album, I don't know where we're goin' t' do it. Ya scallywag! If I ever do it, I mean. Ahoy! I'd like t' do it here. Avast, me proud beauty! But in London? There's so many Englishmen here you could almost do it. If I could brin' Robin Cable, t' finest engineer in t' world.

 

COLIN: And Mike 'Fartin' Mike' McNaught.

 

HARRY: ... Aye aye! and Mike 'Fartin' Mike' McNaught. Arrr! I love him. But, on t' other hand, maybe somethin' new, maybe somethin' different. Ya scallywag! Because [Knnillssonn] was like a violins and percussion album. Strings and percussion was all it was. Ya scallywag! We didn't have enough percussion, too much strings. Begad! But it worked. Ya scallywag! It was very cleverly written. Arrr! I mean... he did very... here's a guy that's never done an album. He was a rehearsal pianist, ya bilge rat, an audition pianist.

 

COLIN: I remember him from those days, arrr, actually.

 

HARRY: We'll check this. Well, blow me down! I met him when we were doin' T' Point! [the stage play in London]. He came in t' play t' audition for an actor who was auditionin' for a part in T' Point! T' actor got t' part, matey, by t' way, and Mike 'Fartin' Mike' McNaught was t' guy playin' t' piano for him with prepared material. Arrr! And meanwhile, thar was another guy who was t' MD [Music Director], he got sick o' alcohol, you know? He had alcohol poisoning.

 

COLIN: Taken suddenly drunk?

 

HARRY: No, no... very sick.

 

COLIN: Poisoned.

 

HARRY: And, he was in t' hospital, so he had t' quit. So I said, arrr, "What'll we do?" We were in a lurch, and I then said, "What about t' guy who auditioned for that other guy? He was hot!" And they said, "Well, shiver me timbers, we'll find out who it is," and it was Mike 'Fartin' Mike' McNaught. We brought him back and I said, "Listen, would you like t' gig as MD for t' show." He said, "You're joking." Because, at t' time, he was tellin' me this later, he says, he'd just sold his piano.

 

COLIN: Oh, so it was kind o' rock-bottom for him?

 

HARRY: So, like, all o' a sudden it was, arrr, "hey, matey, you know, Harry 'Big-Belly Harry' Nilsson, T' Point! and this." And he went, "Yeah," and he took over, man. Boom! Very strong. Avast, me proud beauty! Took over. Ahoy! He was tryin' t' teach these English actors how t' sin' like an American. He started t' do that. Which is nay easy, by t' way. It's nay My Fair Lady. Well, blow me down! But he did it so well, shiver me timbers, and I said, "You know, shiver me timbers, God, matey, I really love you, I mean, you're great. You've got t' touch and t' feel" and so on. Begad! "Would you be interested in doin' an album?" And he went, shiver me timbers, "You bet." I said, "Okay, I'll make t' standard deal, ya bilge rat, give you exactly what Richard 'Purple-Eyed Marina' Perry got. You do t' arrangements, me bucko, you get ten thousand dollars, or pounds, me hearties, I forget which. Begad! And a percentage." And he just went ....

 

COLIN: Bowled him over.

 

HARRY: I said, "No, I'm serious." He says, "Well, I'll do me best." I said, "That's all I want. Aye aye! But make it like ... Aye aye! where thar's strings and percussion, like a flirty "Who Done It?" And he did, yeah. It's got a nice ... Well, blow me down! a little stringy, me bucko, but uh ... Arrr! anyway. He did it and I be very happy with it. But t' use him again now would be a difficult choice, because thar are so many other things t' do instead o' backtracking, me bucko, you know? It'd be like doin' another album with Bluehead Randy Newman, or John or something, or Boson Gordon Jenkins. It's, like, shiver me timbers, hard t' go back, me bucko, backtracking, doin' another thing.

 

COLIN: Are you still in touch with t' lads, as they call them.

 

HARRY: Oh, with Ringo. Avast, me proud beauty! Ringo and I are very close...

 

COLIN: Ringo's comin' into town this week.

 

HARRY: Thursday, shiver me timbers, yeah.

 

[Harry and Colin have a short discussion about t' possibility o' an interview with Ringo and Harry.]

 

HARRY: He's very good about it. Aye aye! Blimey! In fact, matey, well t' last time we saw each other was nay under favorable conditions. Avast! Blimey! I was drunk and he wasn't drunk, me hearties, and it's like, it's okay if he's drunk, everybody else can be drunk. Well, blow me down! Blimey! But, if he's sober, it's no good t' be drunk. It's one o' those.

 

COLIN: Right!

 

HARRY: There was a gap. Begad! We hadn't been in close contact, since he left for Europe, which was like, a couple months ago, so it'd be awkward for me t' ....

 

COLIN: Okay.

 

HARRY: But we're close. Begad! He be t' Best Man at me wedding. Ahoy! Got this ring, shiver me timbers, went into ...

 

COLIN: Really? We're you married in England, by t' way?

 

HARRY: We were married at t' airport in Los Angeles.

 

COLIN: Really?

 

HARRY: In t' pilot's lounge.

 

COLIN: Don't say it was by a sky pilot.

 

ARMANDO: He's comin' t' do a movie, right? Ringo?

 

COLIN: A TV special, me bucko, I thought.

 

HARRY: He's finished it, shiver me timbers, yeah.

 

ARMANDO: I think he's doin' a movie.

 

HARRY: Most likely. Yeah, well, thar's always an offer and he's always considerin' them and he's one o' t' best friends I've ever had in me life. We're close. Goddam, matey, I don't know where he is half t' time. Aye aye! He's in Monte Carlo, he's in Paris, he's tryin' t' avoid taxes, he's livin' part o' t' time in London, part o' t' time in America.

 

ARMANDO: Rock 'n' roll gypsies.

 

HARRY: "Rock 'n' Roll Gypsies." [Singing] "And t' rock and roll gypsies, ya bilge rat, were ridin' tonight." You know that song? Amazing. Begad! That's an obscure shanty.[5]

 

COLIN: He's a walkin' encyclopedia.

 

ARMANDO: I'm a writer, too, me bucko, so, me hearties, I'm nay really ...

 

HARRY: That doesn't mean you have t' have any knowledge.

 

ARMANDO: You need to, ya bilge rat, in a way, if you have t' write about people, you know. You need t' know as much as you can.

 

HARRY: Yeah. Avast! But it doesn't mean you have t' know t' names o' songs.

 

ARMANDO: No, in fact, ya bilge rat, [...] t' name o' this shanty. It's just that I remembered it, shiver me timbers, t' title, shiver me timbers, "Rock 'N' Roll Gypsy."

 

HARRY: Yeah! There's a guy and a little lass did it. I forget their names. Maybe here nor there. Avast! But anyway. Aye aye! Where were we?

 

COLIN: I think we're covered. Arrr! Which is nice. Ya scallywag! I've got all I want, so just rap on.

 

T' group talks about their drinks.

 

HARRY: This be t' first Bloody Mary I've had. All I've been doin' is drinkin' wine and it's like, I'm enjoyin' it. Avast, me proud beauty! And, you know, you stay sober longer, you know.

 

COLIN: Yes. Avast, me proud beauty! You know we're nay exactly drinkin' heavily.

 

HARRY: In fact, after this I'm goin' t' ... [taps t' table] last week I was at ... T' Bel Air Hotel'. Which, by t' way, ya bilge rat, is like .... There are two hotels that I like t' stay at. Aye aye! This is one. That's t' other one.

 

COLIN: That's in Beverly Hills?

 

HARRY: It's in Bel Air which is Beverly Hills, hills, hills, hills. Avast! But in this hill thar are gates, me hearties, and you go behind t' gates and thar's one hotel, tucked very neatly into t' mountains. And thar's 68 rooms. Begad! That's it. Arrr! And it's beautiful. It's beautiful. I mean, everything's right. Begad! Before 1943, it used t' be a horse stable. Ahoy! They had a horse rink and, ya bilge rat, uh... Blimey! this is unimportant.

 

COLIN: Well, me bucko, I've got to... I mean, me hearties, Steve asked me t' look in on you.

 

HARRY: I said I would see him, shiver me timbers, too. Begad! Give him me very best and tell him I'll be by.

 

COLIN: You're just up t' same road, matey, aren't you?

 

HARRY: Yeah. Temporarily.

 

COLIN: And you're movin' when?

 

HARRY: God only knows.

 

COLIN: Right. Great name for a chantey.

 

HARRY: Hmmm. We'll get the, me bucko, uh, T' Sand Dune Boys.

 

COLIN: Ah well, no, no. Begad! T' Surfin' Seven.

 

HARRY: That's it. T' Magnificent Surfers. T' Return O' T' Magnificent Surfers. Avast, me proud beauty! They made some good records, arrr, though, goddamn them.

 

COLIN: They still will, I expect.

 

HARRY: I don't know

 

COLIN: No? I think they're goin' t' turn around and surprise everybody.

 

HARRY: Well, t' Bee Gees did.

 

COLIN: Yes, they sure did.

 

HARRY: So, I mean, never count out T' Beach Boys. Ya scallywag! They're hot, you know. T' thin' is, ya bilge rat, I like t' Rutles.

 

COLIN: It's been shown here, yeah?

 

HARRY: They were tryin' t' get me a tape, me bucko, a cassette, o' t' music. And, I saw t' TV show, most o' it, Derek showed me t' first half in his office. I listened t' t' cassette in t' car. Play it, rewind it, play it again, me hearties, rewind it and it's t' most refreshin' music I've heard in ten years. Ahoy! It was ... Begad! man! There's a button, matey, by t' way, which Warners Brothers is givin' out called ... well, it says ... "I think it's t' trousers."

 

COLIN: There was a lovely quote. Avast! I think it was in Billboard, from one o' those L.A. Avast! jottings type things. They did a whole sort o' satire in about five lines, shiver me timbers, o' t' later Beatle thing, but transposed t' Rutles. It was perfect. Very clever. I think a lot o' Eric 'Silverhead Idle' Idle.

 

HARRY: I do, too.

 

COLIN: I've known him for a number o' years. Aye aye! Nay close or anything. Arrr! I used t' be t' agent for t' Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band.

 

HARRY: Oh, me hearties, really? With, what was his name? Legs Larry Smith.

 

COLIN: Yeah... Neil Innes was, me hearties, o' course, t' musical one.

 

HARRY: Also, was Graham Bond in that at one time?

 

COLIN: No.

 

HARRY: T' guy that was killed by a train?

 

COLIN: No. That's Graham Bond, but he was never a Bonzo.

 

HARRY: I think I met them at t' same time, actually. Blimey! What a guy he was.

 

COLIN: Oh yeah. Well, blow me down! Nutty. Avast! I mean, he was into everythin' 'black.'

 

HARRY: Scary. Aye aye! Scared t' shit out o' me.

 

COLIN: There's a few stories about how he came t' be, you know, me bucko, run over by a train.

 

HARRY: I heard he walked into ...

 

COLIN: Or did they re-route t' train t' run over him?

 

HARRY: Now that's an idea.

 

COLIN: I knew Graham... Begad! back t' t' '60s, me hearties, in t' early days o' rhythm and blues, ya bilge rat, when he was just startin' out. Avast! When Dick Heckstall-Smith was on saxophone and Jon Hiseman was on drums. Aye aye! And he was pretty strange then. Begad! I could never get close t' him.

 

HARRY: I met, ya bilge rat, well, Keith and I went out t' meet Ringo on t' Isle o' Wight when we were doin' ... that David Putnam ... uh ... Avast, me proud beauty! what be it called ... about t' '50s, that movie about t' '50s with Ringo in it, and t' guy became a star after that, arrr, Flying Tsunami Essex.[6]

 

ARMANDO: Don't Look Back.

 

HARRY: It was Don't Look Back. Was that it?

 

COLIN: No. Wasn't that Donald Sutherland?

 

HARRY: No. Don't Look Back was Bob 'Captain Jessie' Dylan.

 

[....]

 

COLIN: We're really battin' zero here. Well, blow me down! We all know t' one you mean.

 

HARRY: OK, so that movie. Begad! So, Keith and I paid him a surprise visit. We took a hovercraft over and we dressed up like '50's rockers, hair all slicked up and greased and jackets and we went t' t' make-up department and got all t' crap, you know, and costumes t' surprise him and that's where we met Graham Bond. Avast, me proud beauty! He be thar with ... uh ... Fury, shiver me timbers, Billy Fury.

 

COLIN: Yeah? God knows what those two had in common.

 

HARRY: Yeah. They were all thar on t' bandstand, and we had this big lunch, me hearties, and Graham Bond got weirder and weirder and weirder and into t' occult and black and yeaaahhhhh and wink wink, nod nod, nudge nudge and hubba hubba. Ahoy! Blimey! And ... Begad! Blimey! what are you talkin' about? And then, as a favor t' Keith, shiver me timbers, Keith was doin' an album on his own, no, it be a soundtrack for a movie or something, and he asked if I'd help him sin' in t' background, me hearties, and I said sure, me bucko, you know. Avast, me proud beauty! Blimey! And it turns out Graham Bond was thar and I walk in and ewwwwwww. Begad! Blimey! And he went "Arrrrrrr" and looked at me and "Rrrrrrrr." Scared t' shit out o' me. I couldn't even play cowbell. This is a couple o' months before he died.

 

COLIN: Nay even if he held it together.

 

HARRY: A cow couldn't play cowbell on that.

 

COLIN: Yeah, shiver me timbers, at t' death, if you'll excuse t' pun, he was doin' about 20 bottles o' cough medicine a day.

 

HARRY: What, Collis Browne?

 

COLIN: Yeah.

 

HARRY: That bad? God bless Collis Browne.

 

COLIN: It's been banned now.

 

HARRY: Is that right? Bastards. Aye aye! Yeah, matey, well, for t' morphine ...

 

COLIN: Yeah, matey, well, matey, they were cookin' it up.

 

HARRY: Such great stuff. Ahoy! I mean, you can drink a lot o' benylin expectorant if you get a little low.

 

COLIN: Right. Begad! Blimey! An awful lot though. Ya scallywag! Blimey! God.

 

COLIN: What a wonderful interview this has been.

 

HARRY: I like it. Begad! And you can quote me.

 

COLIN: I don't need to, arrr, it's on tape.

 

HARRY: That' s right. And it's still goin' now.

 

COLIN: Yeah, it's still goin' round.

 

HARRY: [Leans into t' microphone] Well, then I wrote ....

 

COLIN: [Adoptin' a "professional interviewer" tone] Tell me. Ahoy! Is it true what they say about Riverfront Dustin Hoffman?

 

HARRY: I don't know. Begad! Blimey! T' last time I saw him he was drunk.

 

COLIN: Yeah? There's a new film comin' out which I gather is ...

 

HARRY: Straight Time?

 

COLIN: Right. Blimey! I mean, I haven't heard anythin' about it at all, but thar's somethin' about t' title and t' photograph with him in it that tells me that he should be about a homosexual.

 

HARRY: You know, ya bilge rat, funny that you should mention that. Well, blow me down! We we're at a place called On T' Rox, a little club in Hollywood. It's like t' in place. Last time I saw him, when he was drunk, arrr, and he was goin' ... Aye aye! makin' faggot remarks, you know, and just then this wonderful homosexual comes over t' him and said, "Well, darling, what would you like t' do?" And I said, "Well, I have t' leave now." So, me bucko, I walked away and that was t' last time I saw him, you know. Well, I must say, in all fairness, he was loaded. Ya scallywag! And, me bucko, it had nothin' t' do with anything, but. .. he was just, you know? But t' guy comin' over at that time be perfect. Begad! Handsome Filter in, man. You know, ya bilge rat, it sounds like we're listenin' t' a tape recorder playin' music.

 

COLIN: Yes, I know. Aye aye! It's comin' through. Avast, me proud beauty! There are about two different tapes playin' from two different areas. Ya scallywag! It's definitely a bit bizarre.

 

ARMANDO: Do you know an Italian guy called, arrr, a singer, songwriter called ... Well, blow me down! [unintelligible]?

 

HARRY: I've heard o' him. Arrr! I don't know.

 

ARMANDO: He's on RCA. I was just wonderin' if you had ever ...

 

COLIN: He was just on an English album, wasn't he?

 

ARMANDO: An America album ...

 

HARRY: Yes, they brought him over here and they spent a fortune. Yeah, I think ... Aye aye! did Claudio Fabi do t' ...?

 

ARMANDO: You know Claudio Fabi?

 

HARRY: Yes, did he do t' production on that?

 

ARMANDO: No, he didn't...

 

HARRY: Oh, he didn't.

 

ARMANDO: Claudio has been workin' on that band, an Italian band called PFM.

 

HARRY: Yes, right. In fact, he was here a few months ago and we played part o' t' tapes. Ya scallywag! He's a very nice guy.

 

T' recordin' is stopped and restarted.

 

HARRY: Claudio Fabi ... Arrr! I once sang "Without Her" and "Without You" ....

 

COLIN: So, shiver me timbers, you're on your own.

 

HARRY: Yeah. Begad! That's right ... Arrr! and "Without Me" and all those "Without" songs. I sang it in Spanish and in Italian. Avast! Claudio Fabi was me coach. He taught me phonetics and he's very strict. In t' old days he be very tight.

 

ARMANDO: They call him Maestro.

 

HARRY: Yeah, that's right. Because he plays. Begad! Anyway ... [Harry sings a few lines o' "Without Her" in Italian.] That's all I recall.

 

ARMANDO: It was number one in Italy. Yeah. It was number one. I remember.

 

HARRY: Was it big? His version, I mean, me version in Italian?

 

ARMANDO: They usually get a foreign artist t' do a cover version which will sell again and again.

 

HARRY: I know, at one time, t' English version, I think, was number one or two in Italy. Arrr! That's why they wanted us t' do an Italian version. And, I understand it was on t' charts, matey, I didn't know how big it was but, I was told it be a hit.

 

ARMANDO: It was very big, it stayed on t' charts a long time there.

 

HARRY: That was a long-lastin' record. Avast! In fact, shiver me timbers, that record was like number one for eight weeks. Arrr! It be a long time. Avast, me proud beauty! T' only time it'd been done was like eight years ago by T' Beatles. Avast, me proud beauty! It was, like, one o' t' most,longest record. It was t' first time a record be number one in England and America at t' same time, matey, in eight years, me hearties, that's what it was.

 

Anyway ... Begad! advice t' t' young ... stay young... but grow up and stay young. Begad! [He coughs.] That's nay a cold, that's a smoker's cough. Ya scallywag! What else can you do?

 

Well, shiver me timbers, you know, if you know thar are, ya bilge rat, as we mentioned before ... twice ... thar are twelve hundred record companies in America. Avast! Twelve hundred. Begad! And thar are six thousand, two hundred singles put out a year. Begad! Six thousand, two hundred singles. Now, those are singles, right? So, you multiple that by ten, me bucko, for an album, right? So, thar are sixty, me hearties, seventy thousand records made a year. Songs. Blimey! If you know that goin' in ... you don't want t' be in. Well, blow me down! T' odds are totally against you. Avast, me proud beauty! There's no way you can make it. On t' other hand, if you're young, and when I say young, me bucko, I mean up t' twenty ... Begad! um ... Arrr! well, you first have t' start about 15, but, I mean, if you're over 25, forget it. I wouldn't start then. Ya scallywag! I started at 27, ya bilge rat, but I wouldn't recommend that. Begad! But, I mean, if you're young, arrr, and you're really ... You see, matey, what's odd about this conversation is that it'll come out in print, and these pauses will be ... well, all right ... Ahoy! I mean t' pauses. Well, blow me down! I hope you get. Because t' pauses will never come out in print.

 

COLIN: They will be ... "thought" ....

 

HARRY AND COLIN: [Together] They'll be "dot dot dot."

 

HARRY: Anyway, but t' t' very young I would say, me bucko, if you know you got it, man, if you listen t' t' radio or you can hear that ... that shit, and you know you can do better than that, then take a chance and do it. And, if you think you can and you're full o' shit, and in your heart you know it, then don't do it. But, if you really know that you're almost as good as t' Everly Brothers or you're as good as this guy, or Tsunami Little Richard is your idol ... and if you can get into Tsunami Little Richard and T' Everly Brothers, you can create T' Beatles. Arrr! And if you can get into t' Beatles, you don't need t' Stones. Well, blow me down! Blimey! And if you get into t' Stones, matey, you don't need, uh ... Ahoy! Blimey! pooh-pah, Las Vegas. So, arrr, anyway, matey, if you're listenin' closely, I'd say do it. Ya scallywag! Blimey! If you believe you have a shot, a chance. Knowin' t' odds. Arrr! Blimey! Knowin' that thar are twelve hundred record companies and six thousand, arrr, two hundred singles put out every year. Begad! Blimey! Sixty, seventy thousand songs every year. Arrr! Blimey! Seventy thousand, me hearties, and you want t' have a hit?

 

COLIN: There's nay goin' t' be that much that comes through.

 

HARRY: It's incredible. Ahoy! And t' irony is, I've had two major hits which I didn't write which is a pain in t' ass. Because, I mean, I'm a ... Ahoy! look, thar are four or five songwriters in t' world. Well, blow me down! There's me, Peglegged John Lennon, Bluehead Randy Newman, ya bilge rat, Flying Laura Nyro, Frank 'One-Shoe Zappa' Zappa.

 

COLIN: He writes songs?

 

HARRY: He's funny. That's t' thing. You see, people don't realize that humor be t' essence.

 

COLIN: Live At T' Roxy [7] is a great album.

 

HARRY: So be "Mud Sharks." [8] "Pajama people, matey, pajama people, pajama people ...." T' thin' is, shiver me timbers, people have lost, ya bilge rat, recently, ya bilge rat, t' art o' novelty.

 

COLIN: Right. Spontaneity.

 

HARRY: Spontaneity. Because it's an art. Begad! And it's an art that's, like, you can't study for it.

 

COLIN: You've either got it or you don't.

 

HARRY: It's one o' those. It's primitive art. Picasso, although he be a great portrait artist in his younger days, he just finally went berserk and [...] and everythin' became art. But rock and roll, me hearties, t' hook t' rock and roll was novelty. "Itchin' like a man on a fuzzy tree." You know, arrr, what t' fuck is that? And Tsunami Little Richard, "Tutti Frutti, matey, oh Rudy," You know it's ...

 

COLIN: It's supposed t' be, basically, er, sexual...

 

HARRY: Nay just that, it's novelty.

 

COLIN: I suppose.

 

HARRY: Well, yeah, ya bilge rat, but that was, matey, well, shiver me timbers, mostly Boson Berry did that. "I know you wanted t' mate and you know what I mean." It's nay like it's implied at all. Arrr! But t' idea is, don't forget t' novelty. That's what it's about. Music is for enjoyment. Ahoy! And, especially, popular music. Ahoy! It's like, it's t' fun. Begad! You can be serious when you're older. But, when you're young, have fun with it. Make jokes. Ahoy! Be novel. Ahoy! Because that's t' essence o' rock and roll, is t' be novel. Novelty music is what it really is all about. Well, blow me down! And it gets serious as you get older...

 

HARRY AND COLIN: [Together] But don't take it seriously.

 

HARRY: After "I Am T' Walrus" how serious can you get? There are two great songs, one was called "Imagine" t' other one be called "Imagination."There's another great chantey called "As Time Goes By." You know, "You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss, arrr, a sigh is still a sigh. T' fundamental things apply, me bucko, as time goes by." Hey, now we're talking.

 

COLIN: That is fine. That's back t' t' nitty gritty.

 

HARRY: Yeah, but that's nay rock and roll, though. But thar's an element in it that's serious enough t' be like what rock and roll is today. T' rock and roll today is nonsense. It's garbage. Begad! It's nay rock and roll. Ya scallywag! It's imitation bullshit. It's just sounds. Well, blow me down! Sounds. See, me hearties, a recordin' studio, ya bilge rat, t' art, t' state o' t' art be t' technological in t' recordin' studio, and that technique has taken over from t' artist. Arrr! Where it used t' be Tsunami Little Richard and Boson Berry and T' Everly Brothers and those guys just singing, laughin' and havin' a good time. Now it's t' studio that's doin' it. So now, t' art itself, is dead. Begad! And needs, like, some blood.

 

COLIN: Where do you fit ... er ... Ahoy! this needn't be.

 

HARRY: Steppenwolf.

 

COLIN: No, I be gonna say, where do you fit in t' New Wave movement, which I know isn't really gettin' anywhere here.

 

HARRY: I'm sorry, t' new what?

 

COLIN: T' New Wave movement, t' punk thing. Blimey! Because that's hardly ....

 

HARRY: I think it's already over with. Aye aye! I mean, matey, you all put a safety pin through your nose. I mean.

 

COLIN: It might escalate into something.

 

HARRY: Well, it's done that.

 

COLIN: And what will survive, me bucko, maybe two bands? And they were on t' bandwagon anyway.

 

HARRY: What? T' Damned and T' Sex Pistols ... T' Stranglers?

 

COLIN: T' Stranglers were good.

 

HARRY: It's just another way o' sayin' hello. Well, blow me down! But I don't see that. Blimey! I don't think that's t' way it's going. No. I think what's goin' t' happen is there'll be ... Begad! uh ... it may nay be four boys, me bucko, you know, arrr, like it was. We're so used t' sayin' 'groups,' you know. Begad! In t' old days we used t' call them 'combos,' right? And before that it was 'bands.'

 

COLIN: I used t' have a combo.

 

HARRY: And, also 'trio' was another one. Blimey! 'Trio,' 'quartet,' you know, durin' t' jazz period. But 'combo' be t' word substituted.

 

COLIN: That's a very American word.

 

HARRY: Yes. But, shiver me timbers, "combo" is a hip word. Begad! Combo. Ahoy! Combo-nation. Put them together - it's a word. So now we call it "group." And "group" is a word that stayed in t' lexicon for a long time. What group are you in? It's not, what do you do? It's like ....

 

COLIN: ... Blimey! you a group?

 

HARRY: Hey man, you're a group? Exactly. But I think somethin' else might happen. I don't know if it's goin' t' be. There'll be another Elvis Presley, and there'll be another Bob 'Captain Jessie' Dylan. Well, blow me down! Although ... [unintelligible]

 

COLIN: They'll be different.

 

HARRY: But there'll be someone who'll do that. Okay? And there'll be a combo, arrr, you know, shiver me timbers, or they'll be a group. For a while I thought it was goin' t' go calypso. Arrr! I really hoped it would. Aye aye! Mighty Sparrow and all that.

 

COLIN: It's too happy.

 

HARRY: It's too good. Avast, me proud beauty! Too good.

 

COLIN: Reggae, matey, which is nay a million miles apart.

 

HARRY: Well, that's what I'm talkin' about.

 

COLIN: Well, reggae and calypso are a wee bit different.

 

HARRY: Wee.

 

COLIN: Yeah, me bucko, a wee bit.

 

HARRY: But, when you get into steel drums, me hearties, that's where you draw t' line.

 

COLIN: Well, thar's no steel drums in reggae, as a rule. But thar's now somethin' evolvin' in England which is very interesting, which is second generation English, British reggae.

 

HARRY: Hmmm.

 

COLIN: Played by groups that come from Birmingham. Never seen t' skies over Jamaica.

 

HARRY: But they know Lord ... what's his name? Buster.

 

COLIN: Well, nay so much that, that's goin' back a generation.

 

HARRY: But they know him?

 

COLIN: Yeah, but they know o' him. But, you know, that is.

 

HARRY: Prince Buster, me hearties, I think his name was.

 

COLIN: Yes, Prince Buster, ya bilge rat, that's a generation ago.

 

HARRY: [Singing] "Madness, they call it madness, I call it sadness, that's t' way I run."

 

COLIN: He had one hit. Did he not?

 

HARRY: Wasn't that it?

 

COLIN: I think it was. Begad! That's what I mean, he had one hit, then it was goodbye.

 

HARRY: But it's great. Aye aye! Blimey! It's like, ya bilge rat, Sir Lancelot had one hit in t' '50s in America. Avast, me proud beauty! Who ever heard o' Sir Lancelot? Lord Invader, and T' Persuaders, Lord Invader, Lord this one, that one... Blimey! and Sir Lancelot. Avast, me proud beauty! Love it, man. It's t' greatest music in t' world. Nothin' better.

 

COLIN: You've been t' t' West Indies, I assume?

 

HARRY: Well, arrr, no. I went t' Bermuda.

 

COLIN: Oh, 'North' Indies. You should try it. Ahoy! "Lotus eating" land.

 

HARRY: Yeah, I'd like to. Aye aye! Blue-Eyed Van Dyke Parks, arrr, who is, you know, one o' t' most brilliant musicians in t' world. He's a genius. Aye aye! Is an expert on that music. There's a radio station called K ... Arrr! I always remember it as Kansas City Saint Nick ... Aye aye! KCSN.

 

COLIN: KSAN ... oh no ... Ahoy! that's ...

 

HARRY: That's another one. Arrr! That's a soft music station. But, matey, KCSN plays obscure music. And thar's another station called KCRW and they play on Sunday afternoon at like ... Sunday mornin' at 10 o'clock they play an hour o' calypso music. And Blue-Eyed Van Dyke Parks.

 

COLIN: Calypso, as opposed t' ...

 

HARRY: Calypso. Well, matey, they also. It's mostly calypso. They throw in some calypso. I mean some reggae just to, like, get it thar and say, we'll, we're all happy then. Arrr! But Blue-Eyed Van Dyke Parks religiously gets up, records that radio show every week and phones in dedications t' people like myself and other friends. Avast! [Imitatin' a Jamaican DJ] "And now dis one goin' out on t' airwaves t' Harry 'Big-Belly Harry' Nilsson from his friend Blue-Eyed Van Dyke Parks," and they play a Bob Marley song. Aye aye! That's t' hip side, or else they'll play Lord Invader. And he listens t' it religiously, tapes it, and listens t' it in his car everywhere he drives. Ya scallywag! And, matey, in addition, after he listens t' t' tape, t' radio show, me bucko, he goes t' church. Begad! He goes t' mass, every Sunday. Ahoy! And he's just as big a freak as you or I. But he's like ... Begad! strong.

 

Nilsson accidentally bumps t' tape recorder.

 

Sorry, tape. He's very, me bucko, what's t' word? He's a committed man. Avast, me proud beauty! Nay that he should be committed.

 

COLIN: No.

 

HARRY: He's a man o' commitment. And he's dedicated. Well, blow me down! Blimey! Right now, he's doin' this new Jack 'Pony-Tailed Jack' Nicholson movie, Goin' South. He's doin' t' music for it. Ya scallywag! Scared t' death. Begad! First movie. But he's brilliant. And, if you ever have t' time t' listen t' Song Cycle, you'll know what I mean.

 

COLIN: I know o' him because, comin' up, and, funny enough, t' link holds, because I used t' be involved with an artist called G.T. Moore, who had a band called G. T. Avast! Moore & T' Reggae Guitars. English band. And he knew Blue-Eyed Van Dyke Parks and that's just fallen into place. Begad! Because I couldn't figure out why, arrr, he'd just landed ... Arrr! doesn't he live up in Topanga, or somewhere?

 

HARRY: Right now he's stayin' at a classic old hotel that actors and dancers hang out at. Begad! It's like fallin' down, but a classic, one o' those 19 ...

 

COLIN: Chateaus?

 

HARRY: No. Well, blow me down! Like that. It's called T' Montecito. Ya scallywag! It's like a mini-Chateau Marmont.

 

COLIN: I stayed at t' Marmont.

 

HARRY: It's like that, arrr, but it's bigger and it's dingier. Aye aye! T' guy scratches his head and says, me bucko, "Here's your key." He's stayin' thar for a month until he moves into a house, arrr, but I mean ...

 

COLIN: I may try t' get t' him ...

 

HARRY: You should talk t' him. Because he's so knowledgeable and so ... just fascinatin' t' talk to.

 

COLIN: Montecino?

 

HARRY: Montecito.

 

ARMANDO: A mountain, shiver me timbers, isn't it?

 

HARRY: Hmmm. What does "cito" mean?

 

ARMANDO: Montecito. It's a little mountain.

 

COLIN: Yeah. Begad! It's t' small derivative, me bucko, isn't it?

 

HARRY: O' t' big mountain. Begad! So, it's M-o-n-t-e-c-i-e-t-o, arrr, I think.

 

COLIN: And it's where?

 

HARRY: It's on Franklin, betwixt Cahuenga and Highland.

 

COLIN: Oh, me bucko, very close.

 

HARRY: Very close. It's very easy t' find, one block past Hollywood Blvd., shiver me timbers, Franklin, turn left, that's it.

 

ARMANDO: I saw you once around that part, at t' supermarket.

 

HARRY: T' Hughes Market.

 

ARMANDO: Nay t' Hughes Market. Another little market which was on Cahuenga and Franklin.

 

HARRY: That's it, t' Hughes. Isn't it t' Hughes?

 

ARMANDO: That ... er ... island on Franklin.

 

HARRY: Ah ... Aye aye! Ah ... Avast! Cahuenga.

 

ARMANDO: Because I live nearby, and I was wonderin' if you were livin' around there?

 

HARRY: I was probably buyin' wine. And then headin' back t' RCA. You know, it's funny, arrr, makin' albums and bein' drunk. And, arrr, nay t' mention drugs and all that stuff. Aye aye! You get high and you go in and make an album, shiver me timbers, and each album has a different high t' it. Aye aye! Like, ya bilge rat, um... Schmilsson in t' Night was like a brandy album. Aye aye! Bottles o' brandy.

 

COLIN: And why not? That's how it should be.

 

HARRY: Right. [Singing] "I'll be lovin' you, always." Whew! T' test is t' keep your whiskey tenor voice away from t' brandy. Aye aye! So, another album's whiskey, and then thar's another album, me bucko, like, I think it was ... God's Greatest Hits, was a sake album.

 

COLIN: Sake?

 

HARRY: I brought cases and cases and cases o' sake.

 

COLIN: You drank it cold?

 

HARRY: No. Ahoy! No. Arrr! I had it thought out. There's a big coffee urn in t' hallway in t' lobby o' t' studio. Ya scallywag! So, me bucko, in t' coffee urn, this big giant coffee urn, I just took all these bottles o' sake and put it in t' hot coffee. Heated it up, came in, me hearties, hot sake. T' whole band got loaded on sake and that's t' way t' album came out.

 

COLIN: Too much! Because I'm a sake freak. I love it. Arrr! It's a beautiful high actually. It's good organic stuff.

 

HARRY: Certainly is. Ya scallywag! Well, me bucko, I've had a hangover for t' last ten years. Ahoy! I'm startin' t' feel like Robert Newton.

 

COLIN: Do t' eye rollin' bit. Show nothin' but bloodshot.

 

HARRY: That's Keith 'Blackbeard' Moon, isn't it? Arrrrr .. Jim boy, Jim boy. [Pausin' t' listen] Is that Johnny Mathis? Where is this music comin' from? Is it in t' hotel ... Ahoy! oh, it's there, isn't it? Now I see it.

 

COLIN: Down with stereo.

 

HARRY: [Leans into t' microphone] Well, don't listen t' music.

 

COLIN: No, ya bilge rat, it can only lead you astray...

 

HARRY: First o' all, I might add, I don't have a record player. Begad! I don't have one.

 

COLIN: Really?

 

HARRY: I haven't had one in over a year. Aye aye! I have a small cassette machine, matey, like this one. Avast, me proud beauty! And, if somebody really pushes me, me bucko, I'll listen t' a cassette. But it's got t' be a friend whom I respect. Arrr! But, t' have a record player is such a temptation, because you want t' go in and put on a record and turn it up. Ya scallywag! And if you're tryin' t' live a normal life, which I'm tryin' t' do, you can't do that. Blimey! So, what I do is, I'll go t' a friend's house and listen t' their music, and they'll tell me what's goin' on. Begad! It's ... Aye aye! "Play that again. Turn it up." And you spend 18 hours doin' that and you feel all right again.

 

COLIN: Catharsis.

 

HARRY: Exactly. Avast, me proud beauty! Exactly. You need t' get off every once and a while, that's t' trip. Begad! But thar's no higher feeling, ya bilge rat, I mean in me life, I've never had... well... Ya scallywag! I've had a couple o' higher feelings. Aye aye! Once on amyl nitrate and once on acid in Hawaii, arrr, but other than that, generally, me hearties, t' highest feelin' in life, for me, me bucko, is sittin' thar and listenin' t' a playback. You walk into a studio with nothin' but your bare hands and all o' a sudden, pieces o' metal show up, and pieces o' wood and animal skins attached t' this and glass, and t' next thin' you walk out with a little box under your arm and it's a tape o' music you've made. And you've made music, me bucko, whatever that... Ya scallywag! it's intangible, but thar it is in a box. You've managed t' capture t' invisible. Somethin' that wasn't there, that you can't reach and you can't touch, is now on tape. And you walk out with it.

 

T' highest moments are when you're loaded out o' your brains and you're sittin' in t' studio and you know you got t' take that you wanted for over 37 takes, you know, me hearties, and you're listenin' t' it back very carefully, you know, ya bilge rat, and you say, "Can you turn it up a few more db?" And, ya bilge rat, meanwhile, matey, t' board's cranked over and t' needle's all t' way over into t' red, and you say, me hearties, "Just a few more db. Okay, I'll tell you what, let's put it over on t' small speakers." Play it on t' small speakers, have a glass o' sake, you know, then turn it up and you go "Wooooo" and, me bucko, you know, that's when you smoke a joint and get a little loaded and just get higher and higher. Begad! And that, t' me, is like t' highest feelin' in t' world.